Gold Medal Ribbon
by Bleeding Crimson Regret
Summary: This is a Marissa story. It basically takes place right after Johnny dies and it tells what she goes through. Ryan has left, but do you want him to come back? VOTE!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys. This is my first fanfic ever so I'm probably just going to make this a one shot. It might be bad, because I really have no experience in writing, but after I found this site and saw that girls my age were writing these amazing stories, I just knew I had to be a part of it. So I hope you all enjoy this little one shot and if you like it enough (I'll know if you review please), I might write a couple more chapters. Enjoy! Hasta Luego!

**Gold Medal Ribbon**

_Marissa,_

_By the time you get this I'll already be gone. I'm so sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but I knew you'd try to stop me if you found out I was leaving. I just had to get out of this place. I don't think I can handle everything that's going on right now. The stress from school, constantly worrying about colleges to go to, the whole thing with Johnny, and especially, you. I just can't handle you being angry with me Marissa. It hurts too bad because I love you so, so much. You will never believe how much. I can't tell you where I'm going, because knowing you, you'll try to follow me. I'll be fine though, I promise. I am truly sorry for everything that's happened, and I hope that one day you'll find it in you're heart to forgive me. I don't know when I'm coming back; it could be in three days, in three months, or maybe even three years, but I know I can only come back when I'm truly ready, so please Marissa, please don't hate me and try to understand why I'm doing this. Right now, I think it's for the best. And Marissa, don't wait for me. Move on with your life. You could do so much better than me. _

_Love, always and forever,_

_Ryan_

_P.S. Seth doesn't know I left, so when he asks where I went please try to break it to him gently. And tell him not to worry about bullies, Summer will protect him. _

Marissa looked down at the little piece of paper in her hands. She had read the note many times and still couldn't believe he was really gone. Ryan had felt so guilty after Johnny's death, and Marissa hadn't helped him any by practically shoving it in his face. As she skimmed through the note once more, her eyes started to water. How could she have said those things to him? How could she hurt the one boy she loved the most? How could she have ever doubted him? She had been so caught up with Johnny that she'd driven him away. And what's worse, was that she led herself to believe that she and Ryan were never meant to be, and now that everything was completely screwed up she realized that they were always meant to be together. She knew it, as did Ryan. The timing couldn't have been perfect. She looked down at the bracelet on her wrist. It was absolutely beautiful. Johnny had asked his cousin to make it just for her. It had her and Johnny's birth stones on it, and in the middle was a golden angel. When Marissa had received it from Johnny's cousin, she asked why an angel. The girl said that Johnny knew she would think it'd be cheesy, but that's what she was to him. It was the sweetest thing she had ever heard. But Johnny was wrong, very wrong. She wasn't an angel. She was far from it. Johnny was her angel. Johnny. She missed him so much. It seemed that no matter what she did she just couldn't take her mind off of him. She sighed and set the note down on her vanity and laid down on her bed. She took off her bracelet and held it tightly in her hand and closed her eyes, as if she was about ready to be swept away. She couldn't take it anymore, and the tears came. There was just so much weight on her shoulders, and it felt like all of the emotional weight she was carrying was going to smoosh her into a pancake. She picked up on of her pillows and threw it at the wall. It felt good, to release some of the anger and frustration that just kept building and building, so she picked up ones of her stuffed animals, and threw it as well. Again, it felt amazing, just to get it all out, so she picked up one of her books that she never read, and threw it, then she picked up another one and threw it, and another, and another, and as she did this, she let out little yelps, which turned into laughs of anger. To be honest, she looked like a psycho. Anyone who would have walked in on her and seen her like that would have thought so. She just kept picking things up and throwing them at the wall. Her makeup kit got slammed up against the wall, and pretty soon her boom box shared the same fate. Anything she laid eyes on got thrown against the wall. She went over to her closet and opened it up. She took out all of her clothes and ripped them off the hangers. She tore the sleeves off with all her might and pulled out the buttons. After she was done with the clothes she started on her shoes. She yanked off the heels and chucked what was left of the shoe against the wall. When she was done with the shoes all that was left was the her vanity. She went over and, with all the power she had, shoved the thing against the wall. When she was done, she looked around the room. It was a complete and udder mess. She needed to get out of there. She needed to get out of this hellhole.

Weakly, she let her feet guide her out of her bedroom door and out the front door of their disgusting and shabby trailer. She climbed into her car, turned the key and drove. She had no idea where she was going, and she didn't care. She just needed to escape from the one thing that she called her life. But it wasn't life, it was torture. Soon she found herself standing on the very cliff that Johnny had fallen from to his death. It scared her a little just standing on it. She looked out across the ocean. 'Beautiful', she thought to herself. It was almost like a second heaven here on this very spot. Carefully, she edged her way over to the edge of the cliff and looked down. Johnny had fallen here. She kept reminding herself over and over. "All because of me", she sighed. Then, without warning, she screamed,

"ALL BECAUSE OF ME!" WHAT DID I DO WRONG? TELL ME! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG? IS THIS A PUNISHMENT? SERIOUSLY, AM I BEING PUNISHED? IS IT BECAUSE I DROVE HIM AWAY? BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT! YEAH, IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!"

She screamed at the top of her lungs. My God, it felt so good to her. She just kept standing there and screaming with all she had in her. It was a good five minutes before she stopped. She decided to because her throat was starting to hurt and she was running out of energy. She plopped down to the ground not shedding a tear. She had been crying so much lately that she just didn't have anymore more tears to shed.

"Johnny, I'm so sorry", she sighed.

She then remembered Ryan, who was now gone from her life, possibly forever. She had lost him. And of course, it was her fault. She remembered the day of Johnny's accident when Kaitlin had talked to her about the time when their father Jimmy, would take them to get ice cream. That was the day that Marissa had to choose between Ryan and Johnny. Kaitlin said that Marissa would never be satisfied with which ice cream flavor she got, so her father would always have to drag her back in and get another one. Kaitlin on the other hand, would always get one certain kind: Gold Medal Ribbon. That day when Marissa had to choose, Kaitlin said she figured she had always loved Gold Medal Ribbon, so why question it? Kaitlin had been referring to Ryan all along. So Marissa chose Ryan. Johnny had lost his life because of it. And because of Johnny's death, Marissa drove Ryan away, which caused him to leave. It was like one big chain reaction, and nothing good came out of it. In the end, she had lost everything. Ryan had been her Gold Medal Ribbon all along, but she was too stupid to realize it. And now, it was too late, and she was all alone. She started to cry harder than she'd ever done before. Finally the sun was had disappeared, and night took over Newport. Up on the cliff, she cried herself to sleep.

_Fin? _

_It's up to you guys. ;)_

_Please R&R_


	2. All Dreams Come to an End

**Hey Guys. I didn't get very many reviews on my first chapter but that's ok. I thank the people who did leave me some reviews and since you both said you wanted more, then I'll give you a little more. Thanks again! **

** Chapter 2: When it all Falls Down**

_Marissa walked down the beach bare-foot letting the tide cool her feet. She felt the wind blow against her hair and smiled to herself. She loved the beach. It was the one place she could go to whenever she felt scared and alone. There was a secret place at the far end of the shore where no one went. She found that very place when she was just 7 years old. Her father had taken her and Kaitlin there to play over the weekend, and becoming bored with her sister she decided to explore a little. She finally made it so far over that she found it: her special place. There was a big boulder to sit on, and around It there was tall grass and pebbles and shells and all sorts of things. But what really caught her eye was the little blue and yellow flowers swaying back in forth in the breeze. That was when she told herself that she had never seen anything as beautiful as the scene that lay in front of her. Marissa made her way over her spot on the beach at sat down. All of sudden, her boyfriend Ryan ran up behind her and picked her up and twirled her around. _

"_Ryan, you scared the crap out of me!" she giggled._

"_Aw, sorry about that, babe, you know I would never try to do that to you," he said and stroked her hair. _

_She sighed. "I know, I know you love me too much," she said._

"_Of course I do. I will always love you." _

"_Really? Always and forever?"_

"_Always and forever."_

_She turned to kiss him, but when she tried to lean her face up to him he backed away. _

"_Ryan, cut it out," she laughed._

_She leaned in again, but he still backed away. A serious look overcame his face._

"_Ryan, what's wrong?" she asked, getting worried. _

_For a minute he just stared at her, then he turned around and took off running for the water. Marissa just stood there, confused. She saw him sink down into the water, and when he didn't come back up for about thirty seconds or so, she started to panic. She frantically made her way down to the water, calling out him name. Then, she saw him lying face down into the water, not making any kind of movements. _

"_Ryan!" she screamed and she jump into the water get him. But every time she got closer a big wave would come and carry him farther out into the ocean. Suddenly a big wave came knocked her under the water. She tried to swim back up but wave after wave came and wouldn't let her surface. She found herself falling deeper and deeper into the blackness of the ocean. Then she heard someone calling her name. It was a girl's voice. It was to far away for her to figure out who it was, but then when she heard the name of "Coop" being called out, she thought for a moment. _

"_Summer?" _

"Coop!"

Marissa suddenly sat bolt upright. She had the most horrible headache. She finally looked around and found herself on a cliff, and when she took a closer look she realized, unfortunately that this was the same cliff that Johnny had ended his life by jumping off it. What was she doing here? Then she remembered last night. How horrible she was acting. And then she remembered the dream. It was terrifying. She was so glad she had awoken. She did not want the dream to go any further. But she reminded herself that she was still living in a nightmare. Ryan was gone. She whimpered to herself and laid back down on the cliff. Just as she did this, Summer came running up to her, Seth by her side.

"I told you she'd be here!" Summer yelled at Seth.

"Ok, Ok, you were right all along, I'm sorry," Seth mumbled.

"Good. You should be. You could really learn a lot from me, you know," she said.

When she wasn't looking he mocked her behind her back.

"Coop, we have been looking for you all over!" Summer cried.

"Summ, don't worry, I'm perfectly fine," she lied.

"Well, even if you are, you had me worried sick."

"I'm really sorry, I didn't know you guys would go all over the place to look for me."

"We searched all over Newport," Seth pointed out.

"Cohen, shut up," Summer said and rolled her eyes.

Seth winced and Marissa chuckled.

"Oh, Coop, of course we would look all over for you. You're my best chica in the whole world. You know I freak out when I think you're in trouble."

"Oh, I know Summ, and I love you for it, but really, I'm fine," she lied again.

"Well, let's get you home, because your mom is really freaking out right now."

"Really?" Marissa acted shocked. "Surprise, surprise."

Summer just laughed at this, through Seth her purse and helped Marissa to her feet.

"Come on Coop, let's go home."

Summer wrapped her arm around Marissa's shoulder and they walked to the car, Seth following lazily behind.

**Ok, so that chapter probably sucked. But I'm just making this up as I go so don't hate me for it Ok? I promise the next chapter will be less dream and more real-life. Please, Please, Please, R$R!**


	3. A Meeting With the Old Hag

_Hey guys. There has been a little mess up here. For some reason only some of chapter 3 got published. So here is the rest of chapter 3. Sorry1 I hope you enjoy! _

**A Meeting With the Old Hag**

"Coop, are you okay?" Summer asked when she saw Marissa leaning her head up against the window.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Just a little tired."

"Well, you look pretty pale. You sure you're okay?"

"Sum, I promise you, I'm fine. I mean, you're my best friend. Have I ever lied to you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Summer, end of conversation."

"Ok," Summer pouted.

Just as they had finished, Seth was now starting to wake from his slumber.

"Hey guys. Anything interesting happen while I was asleep?" Seth asked sleepily.

"Nothing that concerns you," Summer snorted.

"Hmm, I see the Ice Queen fell off her throne again," Seth said in a sing-song voice.

"Well, at least I'm not the one who's being the smart ass here,"

"Oooh, is that all you got?" Seth challenged.

"Oh, so it's a fight you're looking for, eh? Bring it on!

"Oh it's already been brought, sister!

"Nerd!"

"Shorty"

"Baby!"

"Ice cream dropper!"

"Oh my God, Seth. For the hundredth time, I sorry I dropped your stupid ice cream cone!"

"Oh yeah? Well……It's too late for apologies so…." Seth crossed his arms across his chest, turned away from her and stuck his nose up into the air.

"It's not like you paid for it!" And besides, I offered to buy you another one, but being the childish little boy you are, you said no and pouted for the rest of the day, and did everything you possibly could to make my life miserable!"

"Yes, you offered to buy me a new one, but it wouldn't have been to same! It never have been the same perfect, beautiful, little ice cream cone I got the first time…..It wouldn't have been the same." Seth put his hand on his chest and started fake-crying.

"Aaarraaggghhh!" You are the stupidest, most immature boy I have ever met in my entire life!"

Seth started mocking her, and then they started hitting each other, which made Summer loose eye-contact with the road, which made her swerve, which made Seth fly across the back seat of the car and smack his head up against the window.

"Ow! Now look what you made me do!"

"Well, you were the one that started hitting me!"

"Only cuz you were insulting me!"

"Because you deserved it!"

"Stupid!"

"Weirdo!"

"Witch!"

"Freak!"

"Idiot!"

"I'm not the idiot here!"

"Oooh, I think someone is PMSing. I think baby's a little cranky. Baby needs a nap. Does baby want a nap? Seth cooed.

"God you are really pushing it now, boy," Summer warned.

"I'm sorry to upset you, girl-who-thinks-she's-princess-of-the-world-because-her-father-his-filthy-rich-so-he-can-give-his-wittle-girl-money-to-fill-her-purse-with-so-she-can-get-a-new-outfit-every-single-week-when-she-throws-an-outfit-that-she-calls-old-within-a-week. "Oh I'm princess of the world, everybody should kiss my feet and praise me because I'm so beautiful and popular and filthy rich. Everybody bow down before your princess." Seth started bowing his head and waving his arms in the air.

"Why, you little-

"GUYS! WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY? YOU'RE GIVING ME AN EVEN BIGGER HEADACHE THAN I ALREADY HAVE!" Marissa roared.

Seth and Summer were truly terrified of her now. Her whole face was red and her eyes were as if they were on fire. She looked somewhat like the Devil himself.

"I think she has steam coming out of her ears," Seth giggled trying to lighten the mood a little. But he realized his plan wasn't working because as soon as he said that, Marissa sent him a death glare that shut him up for the rest of the ride to Marissa's house.

They finally arrived and Marissa, being exhausted as she was, dragged herself up to the front door, Seth and Summer, who were shoving each other a little, followed behind. Marissa sighed and rolled her eyes when she saw the sight in front of her. It was Dr. Roberts and her mother, and they looked pretty comfortable with each other. Dr. Roberts must have said something extremely funny, because Julie started giggling and wouldn't stop. "Yeah, she sure was worried about me," she thought sarcastically. Julie stopped laughing when she saw her daughter standing in front her. She was an absolute mess. Her shoes were untied, her hair was all tangled up, she was pale, and she had huge, dark circles under her eyes. Julie looked pitifully at her daughter.

"Oh, sweetie," she sighed. "Are you alright? I was so worried about you. You will never know how worried I was."

"Really mom? From the look on your face it sure didn't look that way."

"Honey I was simply talking to Dr. Roberts."

"Yeah. And touching his chest, and pushing yours out a little, to show the goods."

"Marissa, we're just friends. Nothing more," Julie tried consoling her.

"Sure, whatever you say mom. I think I'm gonna go lie down now."

"You don't want any breakfast?"

"And risk being food poisoned by your cooking? No thanks. I think I'd rather take a risks being put in a cage filled with scorpions."

As Marissa turned her back on her mother, Julie stood there gaping. How could she talk to her like that? What happened to her sweet, little innocent baby girl that she used to give piggy back rides to and would do her hair. The little girl that she was talking about certainly didn't have a mouth like this. And if she ever would stick her tongue out like she sometimes did when she was a child, she would never take it. She would discipline her for it. And her behavior now, Julie decided, would absolutely not be tolerated. Especially in front of guests. So Julie decided to do something about it.

"Marissa," she called. "You come back here this instant."

"And what if I don't?" she challenged.

Julie just stood there, wondering what to do next.

"Then no cell phone for a week," Dr. Roberts spoke up.

"Oh, so what are you now, my father?" Marissa questioned him with a smart ass tone.

Seth and Summer just watched from the doorway, and Seth asked Summer in a joking way to pass the popcorn, as if this were one big movie to him, but he shut his mouth when Summer elbowed him in the stomach.

Marissa once again turned her back on her mother, but Julie grabbed her arm and spun her around so she would be facing her. Marissa was about ready to smack her arm off, but suddenly everything was spinning around her. Marissa sank to the floor. The final words she heard was the screaming words coming from her mother., "Marissa! Oh my God, call an ambulance!" Then everything went black.

**A/N: What will happen next? Well, that is for you to figure out….Muahaha!**


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